As you get older, finding a mate and dating becomes an increasingly interesting quest. Suddenly you may find that the woman you like is a widow. You meet them much less often than the divorced or still single. But their attitude toward the past, present, and future is somewhat different.
So what distinguishes dating a widow woman from the other and can you give a relationship a new life?
Peculiarities of Approaching Women Widows
Here are important factors to consider when planning a relationship:
1. Time is of the essence
When a divorce or loss of loved ones, psychologists give three years to recover: to accept the loss, live through it, and let go. These three years are important if people are planning a new relationship. Sometimes a person who has lost her husband wants to hide from the trauma in a new novel, to escape from their feelings, from the pain.
But if we are talking about a serious relationship and being ready for one, three years is the time when wounds heal, the past ceases to be so intrusive and painful, and one can start a new relationship instead of trying to recreate a copy of the old one. It’s better to be careful to have an affair with a widow before that deadline. And don’t rush to develop a relationship.
2. The Similarity of interests
Often a widow compares the new potential partner with the departed one. And the comparison is not always in favor of the new one. Over time, the comparisons will come to naught. If you are openly compared to your ex – do you need it? If you are chosen because you look like the departed, it is better to turn around and leave immediately. Chosen not you, but a reminder of another person.
3. Attitude toward the past
When the other half dies, the family tries to cherish the past, memories, things, pictures, traditions, and rituals. Sometimes the home creates an “altar” to the deceased person. Family members expect others to respect their feelings and their memories. But remember, you don’t have to live with a third person in the relationship. Pictures on the wall in the living room are one thing, but in the bedroom are quite another. If there are a lot of these reminders, take care of yourself first and foremost.
Don’t use that person’s personal belongings, even if they are in the house. For children left without a father, it is very traumatic. And you do not add good emotions. Give them a separate place, and better yet, if your chosen one is ready to leave them. If you can – change the house. Living in a museum named after your predecessor is unpleasant and dangerous for you.
4. Intrusive memories
Your chosen one may be obsessive in her memories of her spouse and old family. Such women don’t have to be supportive. Either way – you don’t need to try to replace or be like the other person. Openness, especially if there are children, will help. And you are here to be happy, to be happy next to your chosen one, here and now, but not to compete or try to replace someone. It will be different, and how comfortable it will be is up to each member of the family.
5. New experiences
Whenever possible, fill your life with new experiences, and memories of the two of you, travel, and go to different places so there is your space. Let new things be your story.
6. Live your life
Accepting that a person will be sad for a while is their right. But also make sure your boundaries are not violated. You are valuable in your own right. You are not at fault or responsible for the past. Often we are so empathetic and sympathetic that we are willing to step into the shadows ourselves. There’s no need to do that. Just be yourself and live your life.
Building a relationship with a widow is like walking, balancing, on a delicate bridge: between respecting the other person and recognizing and maintaining the value of your life.
Harmonizing Relationships in Steps
Harmony in relationships is an important and often challenging topic to many. It can be easy to forget that a partner is a reflection of us, and sometimes he or she broadcasts things that we do not want to accept in ourselves. Sometimes this brings discomfort – we want to quickly forget about it. But in fact, it is so important to pay attention to this aspect. Our psyche is built in such a way that traumas, if not dealt with, will recur again and again.
We suggest you consider the following steps:
- Identify your vulnerabilities and understand what needs to be worked through
It’s important to let go of all the hurts and things you didn’t get as a child. Say goodbye to all illusions that your partner will give you that, and look at him as an adult. The main thing is to start taking responsibility for your life, where you create the reality you want.
- Reflect on your fulfillment
Do you love your work, is your activity in balance? Do you not go into workaholism or, on the contrary, you can do more, but for some reason you procrastinate? Often the energy that is not directed toward growth focuses on your partner and only feeds an infantile stance in the relationship. You need to understand what you are strong in, what you could endlessly grow in (both spiritually and materially), and boldly pursue your dreams.
- Realize how and where you “drain” your energy, and stop doing it
Sometimes it can be addictions, dangerous behavior of various kinds, or connections on the side, for example. Instead of rejecting these repetitive patterns, the person gets caught up in them and sees no way out. First of all, it is important to come to the purity of the thoughts and correctly build the basic internal adjustments. This can be achieved through deep meditation.
- Take action
Right now, put in your notes the main thing you’ve learned, find training, or take steps that will help you come to the desired. Often you don’t get results just because you don’t do the right things regularly. Think through your schedule and routines for future steps. This is an important step on the way to making the change you want happen faster.
To summarize, balance in relationships is possible when partners have zen with themselves. It all depends on you and your daily thoughts and actions.
Remember, the way you and your partner behave in a relationship plays a key role in how happy it will be. Behavior is the litmus test of how your partner treats you, whether he/she considers your opinions or, on the contrary, does not give a damn about your interests. Both partners need to treat each other with respect and show care and attention not with words but with real actions, even despite an unhappy and sometimes painful past.